


Back to you (One-Shot)

by MukeSinner



Series: Album One-Shots (H&L) [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Broken Hearts, Fanfiction, I dont know what to tag, I'm doing a few more songs, Louis Is leaving Harry, M/M, Multi, My look on their songs so far, larry stylinson - Freeform, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:27:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MukeSinner/pseuds/MukeSinner
Summary: Harry and Louis are a failed relationship in the eyes of Louis. Nothing good ever comes out of it, no matter how hard they try. They love each other, and Louis believes they do, which is why he always goes back to Harry. But maybe he doesn’t want to anymore. Maybe he doesn’t want to fight.





	Back to you (One-Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely fiction. I am enjoying writing out what I believe has happened, and at first I only thought I would be doing Girl crush, but then I got this crazy idea and now I'm doing a few more songs. Hope you enjoy.

The sound of wind beating against the windows outside the studio had Louis looking up, watching as the trees shook from the force and made branches scrape against the glass. It was nearly silent, just a little cry before it was jerked away. He didn’t know why he found it so fascinating, why his attention was stuck on the stupid weather when he was supposed to be recording a song; a song he knew Harry would hear.

Bebe was already in the booth, chunky headphones secured on her ears as she gave the two men outside the glass in front of the control panel a thumbs up.  _She was ready to sing the truth Louis didn’t want to believe._

_I know you say you know me, know me well_

_But these days I don't even know myself, no_

_I always thought I'd be with someone else_

_I thought I would own the way I felt, yeah_

The words may be coming out of her mouth, twinged with her accent and heavy with her own sorrows and emotions, but they were Louis’. Harry claims to know him, claims that this is all just a faze and they can once again go back to being the two boys in love. But what the fuck does he know? All he has been told was the false promises Louis has given him. That he will be back, that he hasn’t changed much, but those are all fucking lies. He isn’t the same, hasn’t been for quite some time and he knows Harry can see it, the boy just doesn’t want to believe it.

He has always been the romantic between them, always believed they would have a happily ever after even if it did start to crumble down not even three years after they began. How can Harry know him if he doesn’t even know himself? If he can’t even decipher one of the emotions slashing away at his heart? Does he still love Harry, or does he want Brianna? Does he want Eleanor, or is she just a thing of the past he wants to bring back just to watch go up in flames again? Harry doesn’t know about her, or Danielle.  _And Louis can’t tell him._

_I call you but you never even answer_

_I tell myself I'm done with wicked games_

_But then I get so numb with all the laughter_

_That I forget about the pain_

He tried calling Harry last night, wanted to hear him speak just to ease the sudden war brewing in his stomach. The alcohol was clashing with the food, and the food with the countless pills he’d been talked into taking. He knew he would slur his words, that even through the phone Harry could smell his liquor scented breath, but he didn’t care. In the state he was in, all his body was chanting was Harry, his brain getting shunned for the night after it tried spouting reasons why it was a bad idea to call him.

But he didn’t answer. The curly haired boy who once worked in a bakery, sent Louis to voicemail and has yet to call him back. He says he hates playing these games, that he is tired of running around in fucked up circles with Louis and that he doesn’t want to watch the eldest, yet youngest at heart, member of their band drink himself into oblivion and end up killing himself, but he  _always_ answers. That was Louis’ first sign that their chapter was coming to an end, and it should have bothered him a lot more than it did.

_Whoa, you stress me out, you kill me_

_You drag me down, you fuck me up_

_We're on the ground, we're screaming_

_I don't know how to make it stop_

_I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it_

_But I keep on coming back to you_

Louis remembers their first big fight, and it was after Jay died. He was trying to grieve his mother, trying to drown out her memories with alcohol, but Harry wouldn’t allow that. He tried getting Louis to talk to him, to put the bottles down and to have an actual conversation with him when they hadn’t spoken in three weeks. The words he had said out of anger were heavily influenced by the alcohol clinging to his tongue, and in the moment he didn’t regret them.

_“Harry fucking Styles, the man who always has to do the right thing. Fuck off already, would ya? Go lose a parent, and feel what the fuck i’m feeling them maybe I’ll talk to you. I’m not a charity case, some boy you can fix with a few strands of your fucking hair. Leave me alone already, can’t you see nobody wants you here right now? I don’t need you.”_

Harry had looked  _so_  hurt, so injured by the words Louis said but he didn’t say anything back. He just left with tears collecting in his eyes, the green orbs never once looking to the right side of Louis where Briana sat perched, bubblegum pink nails wrapped around Louis’ arm. But Louis didn’t need him. He didn’t want Harry seeing him like that, not then and not ever. So he left him, told him he had some changes he needed to go through and that he would be back.

A sudden hand waving in front of his face brought Louis back to the present. “You’re up, mate.” The block said, Louis having forgot his name. Forcing a smile, he stood on shaky legs and made his way into the booth with Bebe, hands automatically going to his hair the ruffle it before he brushed it back and out of his face.

“Harry does the same thing,” Bebe commented with a small smile, “You two are too cute together.”

 _Yeah, yeah, yeah._ “Can we start?”  _Louis was impatient._  He waited for the thumbs up before he slipped on the headphones and stepped up to the mic.

_I know my friends they give me bad advice_

_Like move on, get you out my mind_

_But don't you think I haven't even tried?_

_You got me cornered and my hands are tied_

A few of the lads he hangs out with, and has recently befriended, told him to drop Harry already and be with Brianna like they all know he wants to be. But truthfully, he doesn’t feel anything for her. Or Eleanor, or Danielle. As of two years ago, he doesn’t feel much for anyone, and that was the reason for the split in his and Harry’s relationship. How could he love a man, when he couldn’t even love himself, or know what it is that he felt?

But he can’t deny he has tried forgetting Harry. That slow, raspy voice that always curled around the words that could make Louis laugh without even trying. The thick, curly hair or those damned green eyes? Plenty of girls have had the opportunity to take Harry’s place, and he has allowed them to for a night, but they never stick. When they both wake up in the morning, sober, Louis realizes what the fuck he just did and he kicks them out before calling Harry, acting as if nothing had happened when in reality he was fucking a redheaded chick not even three hours ago.

But Harry still has him, all of him that there is left to give. Liam and Niall constantly remind him that Harry has been there for him for years, that he has never once questioned what Louis was doing or made him feel guilty for having fun, and that now Louis needs to be there for him, to remind him that they’re still the same.  _But he couldn’t lie._ So, to make it a truth, he came back to Harry. Five months later, and he was once again living in the life he had swore to leave behind because he couldn’t pretend anymore, couldn’t hurt Harry.

_You got me so addicted to the drama_

_I tell myself I'm done with wicked games_

_But then I get so numb with all the laughter_

_That I forget about the pain_

Louis had talked himself into leaving Harry one day, this time for good. He had it all planned out, knew exactly how Harry was going to react and what words he needed to say to calm him down, but then he got that damned phone call. “Robin died, Lou. Can you come home, please? I need you.” the guilt ate him alive the entire trip over there. He had told Harry a few months ago to lose a parent, to see how he felt, and now he couldn’t even possibly understand how Harry felt.

The curly haired boy,  _his_ boy, was going to lose everyone and everything all at once, and Louis decided then that he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave him again. So he stuck around, ignored the itch to continue moving and to get away from Harry before he was really reminded what it felt like to live with him, to be loved by him. It was an addicting feeling, and once you got a small taste you wanted it all, you could never have enough.  _He tried to stay._

_Whoa, you stress me out, you kill me_

_You drag me down, you fuck me up_

_We're on the ground, we're screaming_

_I don't know how to make it stop_

He loves Harry, knows he does and knows he can never change it, but there came a point in his life when that love wasn’t enough. He couldn’t excuse everything else just because he loved him, couldn’t justify both of their actions. He wanted so badly to go back to the way they were, before life was so complicated and before their management knew they were gay. But they couldn’t, didn’t have a time machine and Louis was forced to sit back and watch as Harry strutted around the stage in gucci fucking suits and waved those rainbow flags and he couldn’t force himself to join him. He couldn’t come out to the fans, yet, because he was certain they weren’t going to last much longer and why give them the taste of the infamous Larry, only for it to be ripped away months later?

Harry doesn’t understand his reasoning, but it’s because Louis never tells him the truth. No. The words he tells Harry are altered, generic words their own management spout at them, the words they both hated and swore they would go against the moment they were free from them.  _“I think if we come out now, it will only decline our sales and the amount of people that go to your concerts. Let’s wait until both of our solo careers have settled down, just so we don’t ruin our image.”_

Louis didn’t want to be looked at differently just because he fell in love with a man, but he also didn’t want to hide any longer. Back in twenty fifteen, he would have came out the moment he had a chance to, but then it was Harry who had said no. He didn’t want the fans to know because he was embarrassed. Louis had  _cheated_ on him, and it was better they thought the baby was fake and that Larry was still going strong than to know Freddie was real and they were falling apart.

_I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it_

_And I guess you'll never know_

_All the bullshit that you put me through_

_And I guess you'll never know, no_

Louis was leaving for good this time. He was done running around with Harry, and making himself feel things he has long since forgotten. He hasn’t planned it out yet, didn’t know how he was going to do it, but he knew the moment Harry heard this song, he would know something was coming to an end in Louis’ life.

He hated himself for doing this, for hurting Harry when he promised himself a million times he wouldn’t. But he couldn’t keep up anymore. Being with him, hiding his other life in the shadows, wasn’t a way to live and he was just going to hurt Harry in the long run if he stayed with him any longer.

He once liked to believe that fairytales were real, and loves like the one in the notebook could happen, but they can’t. People change, and if they don’t adapt to their lifestyle, then they will grow tired of it and eventually grow tired of the person. He hasn’t grown tired of Harry, though, swears he hasn’t. The man was still the same boy he seen those many years ago, and he still always kept him on his feet and amazed him. But amazing someone isn’t the same as loving someone.

_I just keep on coming back to you_

_This time, he wasn’t coming back._ And his heart hurt. The last note rang out and he didn’t even give Bebe an excuse, or the men. He was running out of the recording booth with a hand pressed against his chest, right above his heart that felt as if it was going to beat it’s way out of his chest. Harry has been his for so long, and he never imagined a life that he didn’t exist in, but now he had to. He has to survive without the boy who has been his anchor for years, to one who would sing him to sleep when he was sick and didn’t feel good, and would always cook him homemade chicken soup. He was saying goodbye to the man who took on the roll of being Freddie’s other father…. And what hurt the most, is he felt free.

_Choose your words 'cause there's no antidote_

_For this curse_

_Oh, what's it waiting for?_

_Must this hurt you just before you go?_


End file.
